Igniting my Faith in the Face of Fear and Failure

My fear and ego nearly destroyed me and my business. But the God I grew up with and left behind, did not forget about me. At the end of my rope, God met me again at The Global Leadership Summit in August 2019, and I’m picking up the pieces. My passion is reignited, my vision is refocused, and most importantly, I found my faith and my fire for Him again. This is my story.

Ego

Several years ago, I made poor business decisions based in fear of what people would think, my ego and poor self-worth. I had no faith in God at that time, even though I grew up in a strong Christian home.

At the end of my rope, God met me again at The Global Leadership Summit in August 2019.

I had what looked like a very successful million-dollar practice. We ran a busy schedule, with me as the nutrition/functional medicine expert and two chiropractors taking care of the musculoskeletal side of the patients. I also employed five massage therapists and a health coach, along with three full-time employees.

Honestly, the million-dollar mark became my identity. I thought I was a successful CEO entrepreneur and doctor.

Blind spots

My Achilles heel, however, was that I didn’t take the pulse of every detail. The money and cash flow were always tight, but we grew every year, and so did payroll. So, I just kept pushing to grow and grow. My taxes were not being done properly and my accountant was basically absent. I’m still recovering from the mess today.

But I just kept pushing forward, even when I saw revenue dropping. I was afraid to let anyone go or change anything. Most of my staff were single moms and I thought, what would people think? I assumed it would get better. But it was killing me mentally and emotionally.

I tried to sell the practice a couple times, but the deals would fall through. So, instead of making the hard decisions and standing up for what I knew the Holy Spirit was telling me to do, I didn’t let people go, or run financially leaner.

Most of my staff were single moms and I thought, what would people think?

My ego was in charge. I was deep in fear, people-pleasing and afraid of letting people down. I had a poor sense of self-worth.

Exposure

I went into tens of thousands of dollars of debt to keep myself and three single moms employed. But then one of the chiropractors came in to the office in a terrible mood and quit. I learned later that day that she had been doing drugs in the office while she was seeing patients. I had missed that detail. The very thing I was trying to promote in my practice—health—got buried under my fear and ego.

That day I made the decision to close the doors of my practice. I referred out all the chiropractic patients. I took the nutrition patients and one staff member and rented space in another doctor’s office. Cash flow was extremely tight, but I was making it work.

Restart

In 2017 I wrote and self-published my first book in February of 2018, Simply Functional Medicine. I thought that would really increase my visibility. Boy was I wrong! I didn’t have the right platform. In the fall of 2018, I saw my business decreased by 20 percent; and in 2019, I am down 60 percent.

The very thing I was trying to promote in my practice—health—got buried under my fear and ego.

I started listening to God’s voice.

A friend of mine gave me a ticket to The Global Leadership Summit in August of 2019. During those two days, I had a very close encounter with God. I found my faith and my fire for Him again.

Facing fear

I am still scared—I still don’t know how I will make ends meet month-to-month. But I am facing fear and walking through all the ugly financials I ignored for so long. I have been on a money detox. It’s led to lessons my kids never would have learned.

I am dealing with the failure by reinventing my business model. John Maxwell says sometimes you win and sometimes you learn. I am starting a second book called, Slow Down to Power Up: Let slowing down be your super power to SPARK your life. I am moving away from the traditional doctor/patient model to a health coaching model that comes along side people on their health journey.

My daily fire for God is clear. I have a clear vision and passion for helping professional women, who have sacrificed their body for their kids and career, helping them take control of their health and transform their lives. I know I am meant to speak and teach about taking care of the one and only temple that houses our soul and Christ.

I have learned so much in this failure. I hang onto my faith moment by moment. I know I am loved by God more than I can wrap my head around. I know that He wants the best for me. I know that He is refining me for something bigger in the future. I know my failure doesn’t define me.